


The Elephant

by julieschmulie



Series: Yellow [3]
Category: We Know the Devil (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Canon Trans Character, F/F, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Transphobia, Polyamory, Post Yellow Ending (We Know the Devil), Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Slurs, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:41:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21839128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julieschmulie/pseuds/julieschmulie
Summary: The Three Worst Girls have some shit to work through. After they drove out the devil in Venus their relationship is strained in ways they couldn't have seen coming. But they've taken the first bite of the apple. The game is to wait to embrace it.
Relationships: Jupiter/Neptune (We Know the Devil), Jupiter/Neptune/Venus (We Know the Devil), Jupiter/Venus (We Know the Devil), Neptune/Venus (We Know the Devil)
Series: Yellow [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1589035
Comments: 12
Kudos: 70





	1. Venus Knows

Venus sat on the edge of the fire ring, legs curled up into her chest in a fetal position. She was trying to be as small as possible, to reduce the elephant in the room to a pin point. She had been the devil. She fucked up, she knew that. What was worse, though, was that she knew who she was. The real her she had been hiding away had been poured into her eyes and mouth until she was overflowing with it. 

Neptune and Jupiter had also seen it. For just a second, their eyes were wide open and they saw her. But they did what they were supposed to, jammed their eyes shut and chased the devil out of their friend. Venus’ skin had smoked for hours afterwards, her eyes could see only bright yellow lights even when they were screwed shut. 

She had come down from that high, but she remembered how it felt. How good it felt to be the devil. It was like being given a sip of something strong that you shouldn’t have, it burned your throat but it felt  _ so goddamn good  _ to get a taste of it. It tasted like freedom. But freedom has its drawbacks in a world structured around obedience.

_ Jesus, I need to stop thinking of myself as a girl. I’m a boy, I have to be. The devil was lying. _

But was she? After all, the devil’s power doesn’t come from complete fabrications, it comes from bending the truth just a little until it fits more neatly where it shouldn’t go.

The bonfire captain was singing again, some stupid song about Christian soldiers. His guitar was loud and garish against the campers ears. Venus wanted to smash the fucking thing over her knee. She wasn’t violent, but the strums themselves seemed to wrap around her and choke the life down.

Neptune was on her phone, Jupiter was staring into the fire. They had both had trouble keeping eye contact with Venus since they had driven out the devil.  _ They know. They won’t like me now that they know. God, I wish I could have just shut out those thoughts. _

Stirring from her absentminded stare, Jupiter realized that Venus was curling up tighter and tighter, threatening to spill over and cry. She slid over on the bench to her, placing a hand lightly on her shoulder. 

“Hey, let’s take a quick walk. The bonfire captain won’t mind, and if he does Neptune can distract him.” Not looking up from her texting, Neptune nodded in affirmation. “Venus, I can tell you don’t want to be here.”

Venus brought her head out from it’s place in between her knees. Choking down a sob, she nodded, following Jupiter away from the fire. Neptune took this opportunity to swear just loud enough that the captain could hear, distracting him from the departure. He began to speak more loudly as Neptune started an argument.

But that was soon behind them, and Jupiter and Venus were in the woods now. They walked in silence until Jupiter sat down on a stump, motioning for Venus to join her. The woods were dark, the last dregs of daylight were barely enough to see by.

“Venus, like. I know this must be hard for you. I’m sorry we let this happen at all. But you can talk to me or Neptune, you know that right?”

“I know. I just… I dunno. I don’t know anymore.” Venus’ head swam with lights and color, with a feeling in her stomach like falling. She felt like this every time she looked at Jupiter’s face, or the way her hands worked. “I just... feel so weak. I couldn’t even drive out the devil. A child could resist the devil, but I’m a fuck up and I let it in.”

“Venus, you’re not a fuck up. You’re pretty much the best of us. You’re so kind and sweet, and… Look, I’m sorry you feel shitty. But you don’t deserve it.” Jupiter took Venus’ hand, resisting the urge to snap her hair tie against her skin. There would be time for that later. Venus suddenly led her gaze upwards, looking directly into Jupiter’s eyes. Her gaze felt like an angry searchlight, the turquoise drawing Jupiter down deeper into itself.

“Jupes, I appreciate it, but we all know that I’m the third wheel. I’m the weak link. Don’t lie to me and say that I’m not. You two are good. Good for each other. You and Neptune are so right together and I’m just getting in the way. You should let me go, and go be with her. I’m bad, and I don’t deserve your kindness. You and Neptune obviously have a thing for each other.” Jupiter immediately started stammering, denying that she could feel anything like that, it’s not like she was some  _ lesbian  _ and- “Jupiter, I’m not stupid. I see the way you look at each other, and I see that hair tie. I know that you probably made out in that closet. You should be happy with her.”

“Fine, Venus. I guess you know. You know my secret, I’m gay, I’m gonna be damned to hell forever. I’ll burn with the devil, even if I didn’t let him in while we were in the cabin. I’m fucked, no chance of being unfucked. But if you’re so certain you’re useless and terrible, just know that we’re fucked together. Because  _ I need you, _ Venus. You’re important to me, just as important as Neptune. So I won’t let you go.” Jupiter realized she had a stranglehold on Venus’ hand. She released the pressure, letting go and reaching for her hair tie. But Venus reached her hands first, holding both of them firmly.

“Jupiter, there’s something I have to tell you.” Venus was shaking, on the verge of more tears, obviously choking back sobs. “I’m… I’m… I know you saw it, it’s just so  _ hard _ to force out the words.”

“I know, Venus. I know. I saw. And I still love you.” The dam broke, and Venus collapsed into Jupiter’s arms, crying the hardest she had cried in a long time. Jupiter let herself melt into the hug, running her hands through Venus’ fluffy hair. It was so soft, it was obvious how much Venus cared for it. She cared more for her hair than she did for the rest of herself.

They sat like that for what seemed like days, but realistically it was 10 minutes. Venus sniffled, before burying her head in the crook of Jupiter’s neck. Her voice was muffled, but the words were still clear.

“Thank you, Jupiter.”

“Of course, Venus. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

After another eternity, they stood back up, dusted themselves off, and headed back to their cabin. Neptune was already there in her bed, reading a volume of Sailor Moon that Venus had brought. Her hair was up, her makeup off.

“I hope y’alls walk was worth it, Bonfire Captain’s lecture was enough to make me nearly fall asleep.” Venus nodded before tucking herself into bed fully dressed, and passing out immediately. She was worn out from her emotions.

“Jesus, what’s Vee’s deal? Did you two sprint through the woods or something?” Neptune joked, but Jupiter could see the worry in her eyes. She was always kind of bad at hiding how much she cared about her friends.

“Venus’ll have to tell you when they’re ready. It’s been a rough couple of days for them.” Jupiter pulled off her shoes and put on the small coffee maker she had brought. She made enough for Neptune to also have a mug, as sweet as it could be.

“Is this about….” 

“Yeah. Venus’ll come around, just give her time.” Jupiter handed Neptune her mug, which she immediately downed. They sat together in silence for a while longer, reading manga and drinking coffee until Jupiter felt exhaustion pulling her to bed. Venus was snoring, a white noise that may annoy some, but comforted Jupiter. She lay awake in bed, turning her thoughts over and over until she slipped out of consciousness. 

Venus will come around. She has to. Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, Venus deserves so much. She'll get it, she just needs to work through some shit first. Hope you all enjoyed this one!


	2. Neptune's Flood

It’s the second month of school. The girls are seniors in High School, attending their classic, small middle-america high school, full to the brim with monsters and things that were worse. Monsters were predictable, easy to come to terms with and maybe even negotiate with. What was worse was the moving parts of the school itself. Neptune found herself being bounced between members of the administration, all bent on finding out if Summer Camp had crushed the gayness out of her soul. 

That’s where she was now, at the receiving end of a long lecture of staying pure of heart in a time of growing sin and evil in the world. The Vice Principal had been going for a long time, and Neptune was trying her best to bite her tongue. If she started spitting bile in his face she wouldn’t be let go easily. At best she’d get detention. At worst, it was the first step on the path back to camp for the next year. Why her teachers were allowed to keep a fucking 18 year old returning to that camp was beyond her. Maybe if her parents didn’t agree with the school she’d be able to push back.

But as it was, she held her tongue. She felt the words rolling around in her stomach, bitter and acidic. Thankfully she was able to escape the office with nothing more than a nod at her “progress.” The day was almost over. One more class, and Venus and Jupiter were there. She could do this. She could keep herself together.

As she walked into her Senior English Comp class a few of the girls snickered and whispered into each other’s ears. The walls were concrete blocks barely covered by paper flyers and posters, all promising God’s love simultaneously with his disdain for sinners. The posters had scriptures of hellfire and brimstone in drab, all capitalized gray text. 

Neptune heard whispered slurs pass between her classmates, honeyed and poisonous as they examined her. She said nothing and took her seat between her friends. Jupiter was apologetic, Venus was obviously fuming. It looked like she was about to say something. Neptune still wasn’t quite used to this part of the blonde girl. 

“It’s ok, Vee, they don’t know shit.” Even as she said this, she knew it wasn’t ok. Neptune wasn’t forgiving or patient, she was just trying not to fuck up her year any more than it had already been fucked up. She felt close to boiling, a bitter taste coating her tongue and her teeth. 

Jupiter could tell she was angry. Jupiter was remarkably perceptive, even if she second guessed all of her perceptions. “I’m just impressed you haven’t told them to fuck off yet. You’re… surprisingly chill.” Neptune was not chill, she just was more scared of camp than she was of any bitchy high schoolers.

“Maybe the turn-the-other cheek shit is sinking in. Or maybe I’m just planning revenge.” Jupiter doesn’t seem satisfied, but at that moment their teacher walks in, and the conversation is dropped. 

-

Venus and Neptune were walking out of school when the former Group South cornered them by the door.

“Hey Neptune. Off with your boyfriend? Heard you’ve been spending a lot of time with him.” When they spoke their voices blended as one.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” The lies stung Neptune’s tongue. She didn’t like to lie about who Venus was. But it was easier this way. Venus’ life would get a lot harder if people knew her for who she was. “Could you move? We have places to be.”

“Oh, not your boyfriend? Then just someone you’re fucking? We knew you were easy, Neptune, but this is a lot even for you.” Venus started to sputter in defense, but Neptune’s response was faster.

“Why don’t you three go gossip about my love life somewhere else?” Her temper was bubbling like a boiling stew, ready to overflow at a moment’s notice. She barely held it in. “We have places to be. Move.”

“We all know what you are Neptune. Dykes like you make all of us look bad. It would be easier if you’d just run off into the woods and never came back. It would be better for the rest of us if you were gone.” 

Neptune was about to overflow. She felt poison filling her mouth, and she was ready to spit it into the throats of the former Group South. She was ready to drown them in it. But before she could, she felt Venus’ hand on her wrist. The blond girl looked like she was about to panic and run, but instead decided to speak.

“It’s not worth it Nep. Come on, let’s go.” 

  
Afraid to open her mouth just in case she wouldn’t be able to close it again, Neptune said nothing and stalked off, leading Venus behind the school and into the small cluster of woods behind the building. They trudged through the wet leaves and dead trees until they reached a small clearing. There were wooden benches, stumps and a fire ring, left behind from some forgotten school activity. They had found the place, made it a safe haven. 

Neptune threw her bag down, sitting down heavily on a stump and holding her head in her hands. Venus wrung her hands for a moment lightly brushing against Neptune’s shoulder.

“Nep… I’m sorry. They’re such jerks. You don’t deserve to be treated like that.”

“Doesn’t matter. They’re fucking assholes, and they don’t give a shit whether or not I deserve anything. It probably makes it better for them if I don’t.” Venus was trying, Neptune knew that. But she never knew quite when to shut up and leave something alone.  
  
“But still… I wish they’d stop.” Ok, so they were doing this now. 

“But they won’t. God, Venus, don’t you get that they don’t give a shit about what’s right or wrong? They care about making anyone who isn’t like them suffer. They care about doing what God says is right. I hate them and anyone who thinks like them.” The fluid that rests in her lungs and her heart was rising. Neptune felt it fill her hands and her feet, threatening to overflow into mouth and her nose. 

“Hey, come on. Sure they suck, school is a nightmare, but we’re seniors. We’re almost done with High School, we just have to survive the rest of the year.” Venus looked nervous, holding her hands out as if to block Neptune’s barbed tongue. “We can do this Nep. One more year and we can be free.” And that was it for Neptune’s restraint.

Neptune felt the bile fill her nose and her mouth. She was ready to hurt someone. Anyone would do. Hell, it was what she was best at.

_Hello, Neptune. Are you ready to consider my offer? It’s what you want, I know._

The Devil’s voice sounded like smoke and the faint taste of chocolate, like the memory of a kiss.

And it was true. Ever since Venus had become the Devil, Neptune had felt… jealous. She had thought that it would be her. She was ready to let evil in. If she was going to be treated like a freak, like a monster, she’d be the devil that everyone thought she was on her own terms. Revel in it. But Venus had been the one to take the offer and change.

It had felt like getting her legs cut out from under her. She was set to be the one that everyone hated, she would be the one that would drown the world. But at the last moment, it was taken from her. And it was fucking _Venus_ who had taken it. The sweet girl who didn’t want to hurt anyone. Neptune had been so angry.

But now was a chance to make up for that.

So she opened her heart.

_Okay, babe. We’ve got this. Let’s fuck shit up._

And as easily as breathing, Neptune opened her mouth. 

“Venus, you really don’t get it. This won’t be done after high school. Those fuckers will graduate with us. Go to college with us. Work with us. This isn’t done, it won’t ever be done.” Faintly, in the back of her mind, Neptune realized she was crying. It burned in such a good way.

“We won’t be able to leave them behind. You wanna know something, Venus? I hate you sometimes. I hate how nice you are. I fucking hate how you don’t even seem to realize how cruel people are. You think you’re being nice, but it’s pathetic. You let them walk all over you, and you call it kindness. Why don’t you want to fight back, like, ever??” 

  
Neptune realized she was shouting, and Venus was stumbling backwards, trying to create distance. It was too late to stop it. Neptune was a flood, the cold muddy waters that would spread and destroy all she touched. Black bile poured from her eyes, her mouth. Her fingernails were long and sharp, ready to She was poison slipped into a cup, the swamp that your house slips into one perfectly terrible night. She would take everyone and carry them into the sea to be lost forever.

If Venus wouldn’t accept her words, she would drown in them. 

“Even when you were the devil you were so good. A perfect fucking angel that was all awe and grace, terrible and beautiful. You think we’re the same, but we aren’t and you fucking know it. I’m poison, and you wouldn’t fucking dream of drinking me even if you think you would.”

“That’s not true!” Venus had found her footing. She stood up, pushing back against the flood. “Neptune, you aren’t fucking evil. Listen to me. You’re allowed to be angry. You should be angry. But you don’t have to be angry alone. Nep, I love you. Jupiter loves you. We aren’t going to let you suffer by yourself.” 

“Bullshit. I remember how you didn’t stand up for me at camp. When all of them would call me a slut or whore and you and Jupiter just stood there, like you couldn’t get the nerve up for helping a friend.” Venus was stepping forward, placing a hand on each of her shoulders.

“Neptune, that was wrong of us. We… I should have done better. I failed you. But listen. The world fucking sucks, and I know you’re in pain. But you aren’t alone. You don’t have to be alone. We’ll all be mad, all be poison together. And if anyone tries to give you crap, I’ll kick their collective butts.”

“Venus…” Neptune’s voice was breaking. She wanted to believe. But she had come here to fight, to implode. Not to receive apologies. She didn’t quite know what to do with it. “You’re such a dork.”

“Guilty. But I’m your dork, Nep. You’re stuck with me.” Venus was smiling gently, and Neptune swore that behind the metaphorical gleam in Venus’ eyes there was also a metaphysical one. 

“Okay, Venus. Okay. My dork forever.” And so the flood breaks. Venus wrapped her arms around Neptune, cradling her body. Tears mixed with the flood, draining the acid and leaving a soft sweetness.

-

Hours have passed. They napped in the soft grass under a crabapple tree, not waking until the sun was casting deep orange light between the leaves. 

Neptune was running clearer, and found she could mask her metaphysical streams and brooks where they wouldn’t be seen, in subtext and innuendo.

Venus still slept in a pile of downy feathers, her hair framing a halo around her face. Neptune thought she looked so pretty that she could almost kiss her. When Venus stirred and looked at her with heavy lidded eyes, that’s exactly what she did. They stayed there for awhile, trading soft kisses and gentle touches. 

Jupiter has texted them both with no small amount of concern, so they went to join her, hand in hand and full of warmth. 

“Hey, Venus… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said I hate you. I don’t hate you. I just... “

“It’s okay, Neptune. Sometimes to avoid a flood you have to drain the lake. I’m sorry that I’ve made you frustrated.”  
  
“Jesus, Vee, I can’t believe you just used the youth pastor’s dumb metaphor.”  
  
“Someone has to pay attention to those sermons, otherwise he’d probably flip out.”

“I guess. And Vee?... thanks.”

“No problem, Nep.”

The sun was down, and the chill was in the air. Neptune felt lighter, less overflowing. She could do this. They’d do it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry for the long down time. This one was hard to write for me. The argument took some tweaking, and dialogue still isn't quite my strength. Regardless, I hope you like it! It was heavy there for a bit, but now we're through that stretch and things are a lot easier. I've decided that this'll need another chapter to work its way out, so look forward to 4. Hope y'all liked it, Happy New Year and all!


	3. Hand in Hands

Jupiter filled her mug with another serving of black coffee, sipping it gingerly as she walked back to the table she was sharing with Neptune. They were spending their Saturday studying for winter finals at the only coffee shop in town. It was small and absolutely packed with high school students. Neptune knew her Chemistry, Jupiter was better at English Lit. It complimented their talents to work together.

“Fucking hell, Jupiter, I don’t get why we need to memorize the symbolism of old, white, dead men. I don’t give a shit about what color Gatsby’s car was.” Neptune was shaking her book, looking like she’d strangle it if it had a neck to grab. She drank coffee more slowly than Jupiter, preferring to mask it in cream and a lot of sugar. Jupiter prefered hers black, feeling guilty about indulging in extra calories.

“Hey, at least Nick is super gay. You get all that sweet, sweet homoerotic subtext to live off of while you study.”

“Yeah, he and that tennis girl are so obviously each other’s beards. But seriously, fuck this noise. How’s your chemistry coming?” Neptune doesn’t wait for a response before grabbing Jupiter’s notebook, glancing at the practice problems that Jupiter was struggling through.

“Stoichiometry is still giving me problems. I have no idea how you do it so easily. The conversions leave my brain tied in knots.” Jupiter watched Neptune’s hands work with the notebook, providing quick corrections. She felt a flutter in her chest and the accompanying twinge of guilt. She ran her fingers over the blank spot of her wrist. 

Neptune’s eyes snapped upwards, examining Jupiter before quickly transitioning into another joke.

“It’s okay, Jupes. Thankfully you’ve got your friendly neighborhood Chemistry Bitch to fix your shit. Here, let me show you a better way to think of things…”

-

It was a few hours later, they were on their way to Venus’ house. The street they were walking on was empty, the last dregs of sunlight pooling at their feet. Neptune took the opportunity to slide her arm around Jupiters, wrapping their fingers together. 

But Jupiter jumped, pulling herself away and taking a quick step to the side.

“Uh, Jupiter?? You okay??” Neptune looked confused. Jupiter knew that they had held hands before. Heck, they’d made out a few times. She had been better about accepting it since that night in the closet at camp, but she was still flighty with affection. To Neptune’s credit, she had taken it all in stride. She may pretend to be a complete bitch, but she was nearly as soft as Venus.

“Yeah, sorry, I’m just. Ya know. Not used to this. Us.” Jupiters fingers were at her wrist. Neptune and Venus had made her give up the hair ties a few weeks ago, taking them and storing them in Neptune’s purse for safe keeping. Jupiter knew it was for the best, but she was a lot more confused and scared without them. “I’m sorry, Nep. I know you don’t want any of this.”   
  
“Come on Jupes, I never said that. You know that I’m not just gonna bail on you.” Neptune was speaking just above a whisper, trying to calm the panic that was rising in Jupiter’s body. “You can’t get me to leave that easily.”

“But why can’t I? Like… You and Venus are so good together. You could just date her, have a happy relationship where you can at least hold your girlfriend’s hand in public. I’m like… I’m damaged goods. You don’t deserve that. You or Venus.” Jupiter refused to make eye contact, instead staring at Neptune’s shoulder. She could fake looking at her eyes most times, but now even that was agony.

“You know me, do you think I’d give you the time of day if I didn’t like you? I know I give you a lot of shit, but I do it because I like you. I like you a lot. I can stop teasing if you want, ok?” 

“You’re missing the point. You want me around, but like, you shouldn’t. I shouldn’t be draining on you and Venus in the first place. You don’t need me making your life harder. Fuck, what kind of friend am I, you can’t even hold my hand without me freaking out. I’m a mess.”

Neptune pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. They had this conversation a lot, but it was never easy to hear Jupiter say that she should cut her loose.

“Jupiter. Listen. Your brain, it’s lying. You aren’t fucking me up just by existing, you make my life better. You think I’d settle for just one girlfriend? I like you, asshole, I just… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t snap like that. Let’s just go see Venus, she’ll help you feel better.” Neptune held her hand out for Jupiter to take, but instead she took another step backwards.

“I don’t… I d-don’t want to be with people, Nep. I’m just gonna go home.” And without another word, she spun around and began to briskly walk away. 

“Jupiter! Jesus, come back!!” Neptune knew it was no use. It would make Jupiter more upset if she followed and tried to press her. Instead, she took out her cell and dialed Venus. Maybe she’d have advice.

-

Venus was painting her toenails a bright blue when her phone rang. The screen flashed with the words “QUEEN BITCH” and a goofy picture of Neptune posing with a civil war statue horse’s testicles. She answered.

“Yeah, Nep? What’s up?”

“Jupiter bounced. I don’t think we’ll be able to hang out today. Maybe we could reschedule for tomorrow night?” Neptune sounded tired, her voice drawling over the phone.

“Uh, yeah, sure. Is she ok?”   
  
“She kinda panicked when I tried to hold her hand.” Neptune sighed deeply. “Do you think you could check up on her? I worry that i’d just fuck things up more than they’ve already been fucked.”

“Yeah, I’ll text the chat and invite her for tomorrow night at 5. Maybe let’s meet in the usual spot? I’ll bring some marshmallows, we could roast a few.”   
  
“Sounds good, Vee. I love you, babe.” 

“Love you too, Nep. See ya tomorrow.” Neptune sounded relieved to Venus. She was sweet, but the emotional convos they all needed to have could wear her out. They could all talk about it tomorrow. Venus shot a message to their group chat, sending the invite out nonspecifically. Jupiter would know it was aimed mostly at her, but the pretense kept it feeling safer.

-

The next day Jupiter trudged through the trees in the low light and found Neptune already there. It was rare that she would get there before either Jupiter and Venus. It was even more rare that Venus was late.

“Hey, Jupes. Venus is on the way, she got held up at the grocery store. She insisted on finding the right chocolate for smores, and had to check all the stores in town.”   
  
“Well, that shouldn’t take too long. There are only like, two.” Jupiter wasn’t too picky on sweets, but she knew that Neptune loved good chocolate. Venus was probably doing this for her.

“Three, now. Food Donkey just opened up. Vee has been talking about getting a job there.”

“Oh, that would be good for her.” They sat in silence for a few minutes, Jupiter messing about on her phone and Neptune building up the fire. “Uh, hey, Neptune. Can we talk? About yesterday?”

“Yeah, I’ve got some stuff I wanted to say.” Hearing this made the Jupiter feel like her stomach was falling into a deep pit. “Look Jupes, I, like, get that this stuff is hard. I know that being something with me and Venus is hard. And we haven’t needed to label it, riding it out has worked ok so far. But still. It hurts my feelings when you act like you’re scared of us and any affection we show you.” Neptune had sat down on the stump next to Jupiter, her fluffy coat piled up around her body and neck. She looked like an overstuffed pillow.

“I know, Nep. I’m sorry. I just… You know how it was. Neither of my parents were too keen on intimacy. My dad didn’t want to touch my mom for obvious reasons, my mom didn’t want me touching anyone. And now even when I want to, I just feel so disgusting.” Neptune winced a little, obviously hurt.

“Jupiter, I know you’re trying, but like. Don’t you see why you thinking touching me or Venus is disgusting upsets us? Like… I’m sorry, but that stings.” Neptune was starting to retreat into her prickly shell. Jupiter could tell she was losing her.  _ Why doesn’t she just go ahead and leave? It’s what people do. _

“I’m trying, Neptune. I really am. I just. It’s so hard. I want to accept it. I want to just be able to bite down on the stupid apple, but I’m so scared of myself. I’m scared that once I start I won’t be able to stop. I’m scared I’ll hurt you and Venus.” Jupiter had started babbling, covering her eyes with her hands. She felt a faint touch on her back, on her legs, on her shoulders.

“It’s okay Jupiter… It’s okay. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped. Here… want me to roast you a marshmallow?” Neptune weakly held up a stake with the treat skewered on it. Jupiter shook her head, curling into a tighter ball on her chair.

“No thank you. I just… please. Fine. I’m gonna do this.” Jupiter’s voice trembled like wind through telephone wires. She needed to take that first step. “Touch me. Hold me. I think I need you.” And just like that, she was curled in Neptune’s arms. She was pulled in, sitting on Neptune’s lap as she was cradled, her fingers blooming and wrapping around Neptune, running through her long black hair, touching her face.

She wanted more. So much more. She wanted to caress, to hit, to kiss, to fuck. Now that she tasted the apple she wanted all of it. She wanted to devour Neptune until there was none left.

“Jupiter, this isn’t bad. You're not wrong to want me. I want you, too. Venus wants you, too. She is more shy about it, but I see the way she looks at you. We love you, Jupiter. And we want to give ourselves to you.”

Jupiter was quiet, but nuzzled her nose into the crook of Neptune’s neck. She tentatively kissed her jaw, working her way up to her lips. It was clumsy and new, but sweeter than anything she had before.

_ Hello, Jupiter. You’re doing so well, sweetheart. Want to make this official? _

The Devil’s voice was smoky and sweet, heady like a glass of wine. Her voice made Jupiter’s head swim.

Venus had been the devil. It had been beautiful when she had bloomed into eyes, into light, into feathers. Jupiter had looked away and regretted it ever since. She was so scared at what the gaze of those turquoise eyes would make her feel. She had exorcised Venus, but not without some conflict. She didn’t want to let that part of Venus leave so soon.

But now she had a chance. To find it again. And she was going to take it by her hands and never let go.

She opened her arms and her heart, and the devil came in. 

Jupiter was a storm on a summer day. A downpour of rain that you want to dance in until you’re soaked to the bone. A sweltering evening with fireflies, cool drinks, the sound of thunder in the distance. She was the rain that taps on your roof, the wind that lifts your hair and makes you brace against the pavement underfoot.

Her arms unfolded, taking Neptune in her hands, wrapping her in a shroud of clouds and heat. She peeled the covering off of Neptune, revealing the ichor flowing through and over her. It ran clear, and the taste was like honey.

They stayed like that for a while, folding and unfolding in and out of each other, becoming something more when they were together.

It felt like ages, but was more like 30 minutes

Venus’ car pulled into the school parking lot, gravel crunching under her tires as she parked facing the woods.

She was surprised at how warm it felt for a December night, she almost didn’t need her jacket. Her hair hung in her eyes, obscuring her vision as she carried the bags of s’more supplies to the clearing.

“Hey guys, sorry I’m late, you wouldn’t believe the line they had at the-“

Venus was cut off by the sight of Neptune and Jupiter cuddling on the bench by the fire, fingers and claws intertwined and bodies wrapped around one another. Neptune flooded into all the empty spaces, Jupiter’s fingers kneaded and caressed all the tension out of their bodies. 

“Oh, Vee, sorry to start the cuddle pile without you, but you know Jupes, she’s just insatiable.” Neptune sounded so much different from when she first changed. Her voice didn’t gurgle and snap in bursts any more, it sounded like a clear brook flowing over flat stones. The ichor that flowed forth from her body was clear and ran freely, leaving a soft smell of petrichor. 

As she approached, Venus felt her hand being taken by one of Jupiter’s. She massaged her palm, drawing simple patterns into the skin.

“You look like you’re feeling better, Jupiter. I’m glad talking with Neptune helped.” As Venus spoke, Jupiter pulled her into a hug, with hands running through her blonde hair and over her body. Venus was all softness and warmth, easily pliable under Jupiter’s fingers.

“It did help, darling. But you’ve helped to.” The three sat like that for a moment, until Venus pulled away to get the s’mores supplies ready. 

They spent the rest of the evening like that. Cooking, cuddling, barely talking.

They didn’t say how much they needed each other. It didn’t need to be said. The clearing had space for them and all that they carried along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I can relate a lot to Jupiter's anxiety about touch and her feelings about wanting it. Queer touch is often portrayed as either predatory or explicitly sexual, and it can be hard to reconcile this with my own needs. So here's hoping that it just gets easier from here. One more chapter left!


	4. Sunrise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Venus rises with the sun, and a new life is started.

The light was starting to come back to the sky, the wispy clouds cast in muted colors above the trees. It was so late in the night that it was essentially just morning again. The girls were sitting on the roof of Jupiter’s dad’s apartment complex, drinking tea, and chatting about the year. Their finals had passed without much fuss. Neptune passed English with an A. Jupiter managed to keep her 4.0. Venus had been accepted into college.

Jupiter’s dad was out of town with his boyfriend, so they were celebrating the New Year at the apartment by watching movies late into the night, cuddling on the couch until Venus suggested they watch the first sunrise of the year together. Jupiter had led them by hand to the roof, Neptune fiddled the lock on the door open, and they were out.

They sat on a pile of blankets they had borrowed, Neptune’s legs crossed over her girlfriends’ laps. Jupiter was leaned on Venus’ shoulder, nuzzled into her blonde hair. When she let out a quiet yawn Neptune looked up from her phone.

“Wakey wakey Jupes, if you wanted to sleep you shouldn’t have suggested we watch The Exorcist at 2 in the morning.” Neptune’s voice was teasing, but the soft smile on her face betrayed the act.

“Mmhm, I’m sorry. I should have known you would be a baby about being scared. Maybe if I got you a teddy bear and read you a story you’d feel better?” Venus giggled, hand over her mouth, bright voice ringing across the roof.

“You both are such shits. When I never sleep again you’ll feel sorry.” Neptune sat up, cuddling into Jupiter’s side, wrapping an arm around her back. Jupiter felt butterflies waking in her chest and warmth flooded her face. It was new to think of these feelings positively, but she was learning. “Anyway, speaking of exorcisms, I have a question, Vee.”

“Uh, sure? What’s up?” Venus squeezed Neptune’s hand, sitting up a little straighter. She was wearing a long wool coat over a dress and lined leggings, the light from her phone catching the crook of her neck and jaw in a divine glow.

“So, you remember that time we did an exorcism on you? You were a hot angel and all?” Jupiter snapped upwards, bursting out in a deep laugh.

“Oh my god Neptune, you can’t just make a segue like that.” Neptune’s stuck her tongue out at Jupiter, earning a poke in the cheek. “You are such a dork.”  
  


“Yeah yeah I’m very funny, thanks for the reminder Jupes. ANYWAY.” She scooted over, sitting in front of Venus and holding her face in both hands. “You obvs know that me and the asshole cuddling you are the devil now, and that didn’t seem to bother you much at all. Which makes me wonder. Do you like, have any devilish parts you’re hiding, or whatever? I expected you to also turn by this point.”

Venus contemplated, tapping on her chin with a long finger. 

“Uh, I don’t know? I don’t seem to be like, metaphysically aware of any devil parts of me. I can’t hear her for the most part. But like. I’ve been bad at knowing myself my whole life.” Venus stood to pace, running a hand through her hair as she thought. “To be honest I’ve been kinda wondering what the deal with that is. Like, our parents told us that being the devil is agonizing and painful, but I mostly remember it feeling good. I tried to convince myself that I was guilty that I changed but it never quite sank in. The bonfire captain said anyone could fully recover from being the devil if they were devoted, but… I’m not sure it’s that easy to go back.”  
  
“What do you mean?” Jupiter quizzically cocked her head to the side. She had always been worse at understanding the metatheological implications of the devil than the other two girls. Her devil was a devil of feeling, doing. She could feel her hands folding and unfolding around her, unseen but always there.

“I mean that like… Uh, you know Frodo?” Venus blushed slightly, shrugging as she tried to conjure a metaphor.

“God, you’re such a nerd. Yes we know Frodo, you made us all watch Lord of the Rings.” Neptune had actually loved the movies, but she wasn’t going to let such a premium opportunity to tease Venus slip by.

“Okay, you know how he is so changed by his carrying the ring that he goes West at the end because there’s no going back? He can’t just neatly slot into his old life in the Shire?” Venus paused, wringing her hands together. “I don’t think anyone who has been the Devil can like, go back. I learned too much about myself, saw too much. I brought it back with me, and even if you were able to pull the devil out of my body you can’t make me unsee that. I don’t want to.”

“Vee…” Neptune stood took Venus’ hand, pulling her in close for a kiss. “I’m real proud of you. And I’m gonna stay with you. Jupiter will, too.” Jupiter clambered to her feet, wrapping an arm around Venus’ waist and taking Neptune’s other hand.

“Yeah, you’re stuck with us. We don’t want to unsee you, either.” She kissed Venus’ cheek, standing on her toes to reach. “I’m sorry we looked away when we were back in camp. You were being so honest with us, and we screwed it up.”

“Thanks… That means a lot to me.” Venus beamed like the sun. Her hair seemed to glow softly with the rising sun. “Uh, I think… I think it’s time to do this? I hear her in the back of my head.”

“Okay. We’re here for you.” 

Venus’ coat dropped, and she started to pull herself open. Neptune and Jupiter’s shells fell away, and their hands worked into Venus’ valleys and crests, revealing golden light and feathers falling from the gaps. It stung slightly, like taking off a bandaid or scratching a deep itch. And as they worked in silence, eyes saw them, taking in the new world. 

Venus was revealed in the quiet morning, her wings opening and closing softly, the multitude of turquoise eyes blinking in the dawn. Neptune was sweet, running between feathers and fingers like honey. Jupiters had a hand for every touch, brushing the small pieces of shell from Venus’ long hair. They shared kisses, soft and sweet. Kissing Venus felt like licking a battery, bright and impossible to forget. 

The Devil was kind to Venus, reshaping her body to fit the curves and eddies of her mind. It felt like a warm sweater, easy and familiar in a way she hadn’t felt before. She was tangled in her girlfriends’ arms, quiet tears rolling down her face. She hadn’t known how good this would feel, to transform in love.

They didn’t need to speak, they were able to communicate in furtive glances, easy touch, with their lips on each others'. 

There was only a semester left in High School. Only a month left with their teachers, their parents, the other students. After they graduated they would be free. Free to move and shake, to chase whatever called them. It would be so much easier to live.

For the first time, the worst girls since Eve were seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, thanks for reading all the way through! This fic was important to me, so I'm glad that others seem to get something out of it. Take care of yourself!


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